During the past couple months it has been pretty hard coping with the reality of what has happened and I will admit I have a hard time, still, trying to grasp what a huge loss I feel.
So I will start by saying I am still rockin' the blue wrist band. I can't let it go, but it does stir emotions when people ask what it represents. I would like to be able to explain to them what my Grandfather and my Aunt meant to me, how amazing they were, and how deeply upset I am. As grief goes, I have felt uncontrollably sad, hopeless and angry. I have buried myself with projects and work to try to take my mind off of these feelings, and I feel like I have lost sight of things that I wanted to accomplish after coming back home. I want to rekindle my loving intentions, and pick up the phone a little more often, send out more emails, and plan more trips to Wichita, Minneapolis, Texas and if you're lucky, Virginia, too.
I have felt comforted, though, thinking about how great it was to have Raymond Ashpole as my grandfather, and I like to think we had a pretty cool relationship that didn't involve a whole lot of talking or common interests. I have been trying to reflect on what would make him proud, and how I can live a little bit more by his example.
The things I am working on:
1. Focussing on my greatest accomplishments; my children.
2. Extending love to my relatives and relatives-in-law, and trying to be a more humble person.
3. Attending more Yankees games.
So, I will end with a question for all readers of this blog: How has everyone else been?
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