Also finding this grief thing very difficult to deal with---feel like I am living some one else's life. Making the motions of living in public----I walk, I talk, I breathe, I smile, etc.----all is automatic ---no feeling with anything except the the touch of grief that tears at my heart. I wait for Sonny to come home and to get a phone call from Kelli. Have never had anything I could not rationalize or figure out---until now. I ask myself---Now what is this all about?
Elizabeth Kubler Ross wrote about the stages of grief. Not very helpful---Liz! I am well aware of the stages----it's like working and bringing a problem to your boss without a having a solution. I am well aware of the problem---where is the solution? In reality I know we must all deal with this on our own level----and the clock ticks. Waiting for it to get better.
I, like LJ---am still wearing the blue bracelet---feeling all that went into it to making it materialize. I, too, am digging into projects--namely garden, house maintenance, keeping up with summer yard work, doing daily puzzles, calling/e-mailing family--(sometimes pleasure calls, sometimes ranting, sometimes meaningless chatter, but always love the sound of the voice on the other end of the phone.)
THINGS I AM DOING AND NOTICING: Started taking naps a couple of weeks ago----did not realize how the last few months have caught up with me. Have had soreness in my right knee ---especially noticed it when kneeling at Church/working in the garden and just realized it was the knee I bent to the floor everyday to help Pop on with his shoes and socks. Talk about being out of touch---the damn thing hurts. I am trying to work on less ranting, preserving my vulnerability, trying to be positive, working on what I say---knowing that what is said comes into existence.
What am I thankful for? I am thankful for each and every one of my family members. I cherish the times spent visiting with you and having each of you in my life.
What would Pop and Kelli expect from all of us? Think they would want us to all stay very close and in touch with one another. Remember Pop saying after Ken died--"I will never get over it but I know I have to get on with it." Think they would want us not to grieve and be sad. They both enjoyed their lives and were the best.
Love,
Mom
3 comments:
I was invited to this blog when Kelli passed away and found myself checking in almost daily. I was heartbroken to hear that Kelli's dad had passed away(I only met him once and didn't know him as Sonny but as 'kelli's dad'). I didn't know what to say. What do you say when someone has lost a child and spouse in less than 2 months time? So today, a rainy, cool Sunday morning in upstate NY, I decided to 'check in' and was so happy to see a new message. Somehow through you and your family the pain of losing Kelli was a little more bearable. I discovered so much about strength, love, hope, selflessness and the power of family. Kelli was very lucky. I miss her and hope you don't mind that I 'eavesdrop' on this blog to help with the sadness.
My thoughts and prayers are always with you.
Jan
Hi Jan, Thank you for your comment. I still struggle during quiet moments. Keep in touch.
Thanks for sharing and your thoughts/prayers. Kelli considered you a dear friend. You are always most welcome to read our blog. We are all working, lot of the time struggling with the loss of Kelli and Sonny. Lindsay thought it would be a good thing to keep the blog going---I agree.
J.
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